Saturday, 26 December 2009

About the social

I was told since little that I have to learn how to deal with others (humans) I assume I was complaining on how rude/bad the other kids or some of the adults were, commenting what attitudes I disliked from people. I was told to deal with it, learn to bend my manners in order to fit in and survive. I wanted to rebel against this obligation, I felt like condemned, like when I was told those Christian stories about the original sin, or tales on destiny and fate. I wanted to run away, escape from those nasty humans and find a place where people was more educated and civilized.
Since a tender age I had somehow the idea that people would be nicer if they were more educated. The old idea of the civilized and enlightened person against the wild beast. Was this an innate idea in me? Do not think so...I was influenced by the stereotypes from movies, books and stories. My parents would tell me that there were not such kind people, everybody has its falls. So I wanted to show them wrong, after all my happiness was at stake. I wanted to get out of my environment, run away, travel and find the place where people was kind. That is the reason I was always fond of traveling and going to new places, and meeting new people...
I have been traveling since very young, and expending periods of time at relatives/friends houses. I see now I was making an effort to change my environment constantly, also changing friends, sometimes juggling different groups of people in the same period. My friendships and romances had something in common. I used to get very close to someone, and then burn out, exhaust the love/friendship and started to dislike and not being able to stand the other person. This may be very common to all humans. After a period of time I will distance myself and find someone new. This applies to individuals, groups of people, friends, lovers. The more I know the more I dislike.
At a certain point I started to get over and to try to stay, make an effort. In some occasions due to circumstances I was forced to stay in touch, family is a good example. I can not say it works out, I do not get over my dislikes. So at some point I started to keep myself at a distance, not getting so close to people...

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